Not Sorry (sneak peek of what to expect!)

Being truthful, even to myself, was not something I could afford this day. Because doing so would entail accepting things I wasn’t ready yet to recognize. But at the same time I was not up for playing the gullible act. The role didn’t fit me well, anyway.

            At the moment, I found myself staring at my faraway lake. I was still inside Lexington’s body but my soul was drawn here; perhaps it was looking for its comfort zone. A familiar place. Yet, not even the majestic view of the crystal clear waters helped me in the endeavor I had set of clearing my thoughts. And today they were troublesome.

My hands found some pebbles on the sides of the lake of their own accord… Just like they always did when I was nothing but a child. After the Council punished me for whatever reason it was that day, after they left me to drown in my own blood…I licked my wounds by coming here…not to think. Just to be. And most of the time, it worked.

            Throwing pebbles at the lake made me feel like a normal child. Of course I use the term loosely. But that’s how I felt, nonetheless. You see, I remembered seeing once Iris, a sister from the sisterhood of Soha who died many years ago now, playing with her young. She taught her how to pick the right pebbles at the sides of the lake and how to throw them best.

            I saw it all while hidden from view in the bushes. I felt the sting of remorse for prying in such private and personal moments, but at the same time I felt curious about what their relationship was all about. I couldn’t peel my eyes off from the easiness between the two of them. With each passing moment I spent there, silent but watchful, my confusion only grew. There was no clarification to my questions. Filled with resentment, I noticed the differences between the treatments Iris’s daughter received from the ones I did. Which made me wonder why wasn’t I treated the same way Iris’s young was. What was so wrong about me that something so little as a place where to feel safe…not even loved, just safe, couldn’t be bestowed. Why did they keep beating me? Surely, there had to be a reason. Nobody did things like the ones they did to me for no reason. They only explained to me that it was because I was an animal, but I knew what a beast was like and I didn’t think I was one. My childlike mind couldn’t comprehend it.

            So, every time they punished me, I came here and pretended to be normal. I pretended I was cared for…for as long as it lasted. But then, I thought that pretending did me no good because at some point I would have to return to that reality I loaded so much.   One day, I finally understood why they saw me like a beast. So I became what they wanted me to be. I accepted my true “nature” and then even they feared me. 

Subsequently, I started coming here for different reasons altogether. I didn’t come here to pretend being normal anymore. I came here because I felt more like home when surrounded by animals of the forest than when surrounded by people who, in essence, looked more like me. I felt safer with animals that didn’t pretend to be any different than what they really were than with hybrids or humans that behaved worse than animals ever had.

            Detaching my mind from my memories, I threw the pebble I had at hand. The little rock leaving traces in the waters until it finally sunk. I should have been thinking about the person incriminating me, trying to resolve the damn mystery once and for all. If not, then I should look for Lexington, but neither idea held the necessary appeal to make me move. So I stayed here, watching blankly the waters until nighttime fell on me.

            I heard heavy footfalls approaching from somewhere close behind me; I closed my eyes and wished for the person to disappear. And if making him disappear was too much to ask, making him mute was fine with me. You see, I didn’t need of the bond to know it was Ashlan. I always knew when he was close.

            I had another pebble in my hand; I began to tighten my grip on it until my fingers turned white from the pressing. I mused with the idea of throwing the pebble at Ashlan but that would have childish…satisfying, but ultimately childish.

            His breathing was even. He stopped walking when he stood at my side, without looking at me. I kept my eyes fastened on the lake, refusing to acknowledge him.

            “Lexi is with Charu.”

            I nodded, the only recognition that I had heard him.

            When I said nothing else, he turned toward me, “Aisha, I have come here to speak with you.”

            I eyed him out of the corner of my eye, “I would tell you to leave but you wouldn’t listen. Then again, I am not the boss of you. At least not today.”

            He bowed his head lightly, recognizing his own words. With amused expression, he said, “I am glad to know you understood my point.”

My nostrils flared. How dare he! Snapping my neck back I glared at him. “And since the both of us can agree that you have made your point known, I’d say it’s past time for you to take your leave.”

            Narrowing eyes but not backing up in the least, “Huh, seems to me, that some things are still unclear.”

            I turned my whole body toward him, “Listen carefully. Touch me again and it will be the last time you ever use those hands of yours.”

            He smiled, “Who said something about using hands?”

            I forced myself not to react to his comment. “Don’t you ever get tired? I sure am. What do you want from me, anyway? I am freeing you of your duties…of me! So. Why do you keep coming back, Ashlan?”

            He smiled sadly. “I came here to apologize.”

            I crossed my arms, not believing his words for one second, “If that’s for what you have come for then allow me…”

            He closed the distance between the two of us. He was close enough to try and kiss me again. That single thought shut me up. He raised an eyebrow, “I am not finished yet. Like I was saying…I came here to apologize because I forced that kiss on you. And that was wrong of me. But at the same time, I must say that I can’t bring myself to regret it because no matter what, I was with you. It didn’t start the way I envision it but it sure ended much better than what I have hoped for. Putting a side the goodbye part, of course. That we must practice.” His words low and measured.

            I blinked. I felt like he had slapped me across the face. Twice. “That’s not an apology at all. You don’t feel sorry. Not even one drop of guilt. What kind of man are you?”

            My sudden anger at his words infuriated him, “Pray you never come to know the answer to that.” He growled back.

            I wanted to hurt him, to make him flee. Just like he made me run from him this morning. No, that’s not right. I didn’t run. I walked fast and purposely away from him. Not the same thing. “Silly of me. You are not a man…at most, only half.”

            He winced at my pointy words as though they were a physical blow. “I will make a promise to you. Right here, right now.” He passed his tongue over his white, straight teeth, “I will only kiss you again when you ask me for it. And. Nicely. You’ll have to ask me nicely.”

            I snorted, “Hell will freeze over before that comes to happen.”

            Lopsided smile covering his features, “Like always, you didn’t let me finish, mistress. And about your comment…it will happen, I have no doubt.” His stark confidence made me wonder if he, in fact, was a seer. Well and if he was, it was a good thing I was not a believer.

            He exhaled deeply, “Regardless of how low you think of me, I will honor my promise. But… if you ever call me by any other name besides Ashlan I will take it as an open invitation for me to kiss you senseless.” His smile was full of promises he wanted to see through.

            I cringed at his evil expression, “You wouldn’t dare, you…”

            He didn’t let me finish, stepping closer still, “Try me and will see. And by all means…I really mean it… when I say try me.” His hungry eyes glued to my lips.

            I tilted my head taking in this new Ashlan, “Is this your way to tame me? With lusty words? You think that with kisses and stupid threats you’ll get my respect?” My tone mocking his puny words.

            I saw something flicker in his eyes but it was gone the next second. Before I could put a name to it. Straightening, he stood up to his full height. Shrugging nonchalantly, he said, “Maybe it will and maybe it won’t but it’ll sure prove interesting and entertaining as hell.”

            I raised my chin and tilted my head back, looking at him over my nose. I wanted to look down at him but since he was taller than me when I was in my own body and now that I was in Lexington’s he looked humongous, that I couldn’t do. I picked at inexistent threads on Lexington’s choice of wardrobe, like if his threat didn’t faze me in the least.  “Do what you think you have to do. But know that I play by no one’s rules.”

            He nodded solemnly. His eyes and stance made me think about a warrior that finds an opponent worthy of him; the adversary represented a challenge, of course, but one he would gladly take.  Dropping his voice, he replied, “We all, at some point, dance to somebody’s tune. Maybe this is your time.” With that, he left me alone to my thoughts.

Prologue

Prologue

If I told you about the world in which I live in, would you believe me? It just so happens to be the same world you live in, it’s just… that I get to see it as it truly is. To you it might seem like a dream and cling to the hope that it will only be a matter of time for everything to be over. Hmm, on second thought, maybe not so much a dream, perhaps you would describe it as a nightmare. After all, dreams are supposed to be about pretty things, like white ponies running on rainbows…or so I hear. But this is one nightmare you can’t escape… and you never will, because it’s all real and the thing is… reality sucks.

Before I talk to you about who I am, there are a few things you need to know about first. I’ll tell you the story of how everything started and how we got to where we are, to this kind of world. While you live in light I get to live among shadows, and for so we are not meant to be known. At the end, it is your choice if you want to know the truth or not …in my opinion, that’s if you care, ignorance can be bliss. So don’t be hasty making up your mind; first, you should be aware that once you have seen the other side, there’s no turning back…your choice, at least you get one, we never did.

At some point in history, we were all regular humans. If you noticed the past tense in the sentence you do well in assuming we no longer are. Some of us still have some humanity left while others… all they have is a distant memory of what they used to be.

It’s a well-known fact that when two opposing forces collide, a new unknown force emerges. This is a natural phenomenon that occurs constantly in our universe and as far as we know, this is how the four Ancestral Beings came to be. For centuries, our Elders have passed on the story of these Beings to countless generations of our people. It is said that after their birth, they wandered indefinitely through the universe that created them in search of other organisms that resembled themselves, but nothing was meant to be found.

The attempt to fully describe these Ancestral Beings would be useless; the stories only provide us with vague images. Perhaps, the closest word that could characterize them would be ethereal, meaning that which has no physical body or shape. They were made up from light, and as such their existence couldn’t be quantified by normal standards. As sons and daughters of our infinite cosmos, our Ancestral Beings inherited a vast amount of knowledge and power related to the laws of our universe. Some say that their knowledge knew no bounds, that they safeguarded all the mysteries and enigmas of the very universe that created them. Their cosmic knowledge was only challenged by their unbridled powers. They had the ability to create life and end it at their will; whatever satisfied their momentary whim. They only had one rule among them…the living things they created, had to be soulless; they wouldn’t challenge the universe that created them. They named themselves: Riot, Narissa, Neron and Xyon and deemed themselves Gods.

For years, they tried to create physical bodies for themselves, but to no avail. It was discovered that since the nature of their essence went beyond the laws of time and matter, no corporeal body could contain them indefinitely. These manufactured bodies were unable to process effectively their energy, and thus would wither away in minutes. It would be like trying to hold sand in your hands, no matter what, it always slips away. It took centuries to master, but they finally succeeded in creating temporary vessels to house their spirits. They thought of themselves as immortals beings that wandered in search for more knowledge, new questions and universal phenomena’s that just like them wandered indefinitely. But even as immortals, they could be corrupted and fooled, that last part was about to be proven spot-on. Not even with all the knowledge that the Ancestral Beings possessed could they have seen it coming. Something was growing inside Xyon, their brother was a new kind of God and was turning his back on them. The “mighty” Ancestral Beings were deceived by one of them…such is life, don’t you think? Xyon broke their main and only rule…he created his unspeakable aberration, his children… the humans. He was so proud of his small art pieces; they were fragile, imperfect, but ultimately, they were beautiful. He didn’t stop himself after the humans’ creation, he made a world and creatures that kneel down in the presence of his children, making them believe they were gods and masters among animals, but at the eyes of the Others what made of this invention something that should be destroyed, were the envy their bodies caused them, the feud wasn’t even for their souls. Xyon gave his children souls a mind, a will power and a body that allowed them to interact with the world that he created them. Bodies that not even them as “Gods” could have. The horror!

When the other Ancestral Beings finally realized what Xyon had done, it was already too late; his feat was deemed complete. The Gods decided to summon a conclave in which the fate of the children of Xyon would be decided. Two thousand years passed before a unanimous decision was reached. All the while the humans kept on living without ever being aware of the existence of the Gods or the fact that their fortunes were being decided at the time. The verdict was clear… the only action that could restore what once was a peaceful existence among the Gods would be the total annihilation of the offending creatures. By the hand of the one who had created them.

It would be mild to say that Xyon was infuriated. As the story told, the renegade God turned on his bothers and sister once more. Blinded by an all-consuming rage, the God attacked the three remaining Ancestral Beings in order to defend his children. His actions were futile since the very beginning. Riot, Narissa and Neron took a new outcome; one that seized them less time that the previous one. His brother Xyon was regarded as irrevocably tainted… there was no saving him.

As a result, they convened the immediate extinction of Xyon. And then, when there was nothing left he could do to stop them…the Ancestral Beings would destroy the human race along with everything else Xyon had created.

Xyon’s essence started to extinguish in agony; it was like observing an ancient tree falling down in the woods and hear it cry a silent roar. Only a blinding line of pure light was left after Him. It seemed to travel the whole space before it was finally gone. The universe, even the Gods, went silent at its wake; awestruck by its beauty and horrified by the sheer realization of what they had done. For a moment the earth stood still… waiting. An explosion of proportions the universe has never seen the like, shook the very foundations of the cradle of life. A glaring wave of energy tore apart the black veil of a moonless night. Northern lights were born; the eternal imprint that he, the cursed God, had once existed.

But apparently, the new lights weren’t the only things he left behind. When Xyon was executed, something happened with his energy. His power wasn’t destroyed as planned; it was released over some of his children, transforming them into something of their own. Those who changed and survived were no longer the children of Xyon, now they were a new kind of mortals, we became the hybrids. The rest remained as humans; they were to be eternally ignorant of their father’s sacrifice.

When Riot, Narissa and Neron realized what now they have released through their actions, they decided to hold the next annihilation just because they weren’t sure of the consequences that could be next. The transformation or The Change as some called it, didn’t affect us physically well, it didn’t to most of us. We are actually not far from a regular human appearance; it’s what we can do that sets us apart. And because we are different from the regular humans, the Ancestral Beings decided it was wise to separate this new kind of humans from the rest. That’s why they created a new space for us to live in, and they called it The Shadowlands.

The world was then divided in two. Dead Territory: the part of the world that wields no magic and The Shadowlands…the space for the unknown ones. Soon after this, kingdoms on the dark side were formed and alliances to certain Gods sworn. After a time, awakenings, people coming belatedly to their powers, started taking place on Dead Territory. And since that ought to be corrected, people like me were trained and sent to retrieve them. Whatever the cost.

I am what some call a tracker; every now and then I am summoned to hunt for a new awakened and reinforce the division between the lands. In simpler words: I keep people like me far away from people like you.

           You’re welcome.

I guess some things are in order now …like making a proper introduction and all that. Well, what can I say besides the truth?

 I am shadow so I don’t have a face. I am utter darkness like the one that swells within your coldest depths. I am the ultimate judger.  I am your final fate. I am the one that brings your darkness to the known.

            But even shadows have names.

            My name is Aisha Blackwell; I am a tracker from the Order of Soha, the daughters of our goddess Narissa. My mother was Isolde Gray. And now you are part of my story.

Excerpt

After almost three hundred years roaming the earth in solitude, one of two things was bound to happen: suicide or finally going crazy. But when death’s promise was worse than the thought of living…craziness and bitterness seemed like a hell a better option to her. On the bright side, when life no longer holds any surprises for you, it also gives you a sense of serenity that has been denied since birth. At least that’s what Aisha Blackwell tells her reflection every passing day. 

From a world of shadows comes our heroine, a tracker that’s only called forward to Dead Territory (the side of the world that wields no magic), when an awakened comes belatedly into his powers. But this new call is about to change life as she knew it. 

When given the assignment to track a new awakened, Aisha thought it would be a simple task; only a matter of finding, capturing it and then returning to the Shadowlands. But what she didn’t expect to find was that this new awakened would bring her world to her feet. Maybe life still had a few surprises to give…like the strength of the bonds of friendship, the warmness that love can bestow and the means to make a heart beat again.

I dare you to enter the Shadowlands.